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Lets have a brief word about "Mr. MD." No, he is not a medical doctor. However, thats the name I used to fondly use to refer to him when gossiping to my homies. Now he is commonly referred to as "this asshole," "this motherfucker" and other pet names of which are just as sweet. The friends will then have to pay attention to context clues to decipher what asshole I am referring to, but its all in fun.
Ok, we have a past history. We have the whole long distance thing. We have the amazing conversations and promising tomorrows. I can admit, at one point I thought he just may be the end all of dating. I could actually envision myself playing submissive good wife, soccer mom (to my two and his three), Martha Stewart, and permanent sucker of his handsome cock. All this of course never materialized...but its ok.
Current past history: friends with benefits...or something like that. He liked to use the term 'friends' for his own morals I'm sure. But it was more like a regular filling of extremely passionate sex that I need...and even a glimpse of what coulda woulda shoulda been between us. The sex? That was the kind that might just bring a single tear to your eye; it was just that good. And the kind of loving infatuation that will have you question the idea of love.
His status: Taken. He is not the best catch. He lives at home with his parents, (can't exactly blame him, they have an amazing house), with his kids, a mediocre job, and an approaching receding hair line and gut. He has a dry sense of humor, a limited conversation ability. Did I mention he is taken? Can't say his man member had nothing to do with me holding on for so long, in fact I think that just have been the main reason. Second would be his obvious adoration for me. Oh, goodness he was certainly just as addicted to me as I was to him. Yep, he went back to his babymama, inspite of the never ending drama. Can I blame him? She puts up with all his shit. She wants him more...hunny keep him! I just wanted the pieces that I wanted, some of which he couldn't provide me with. One night, after heavy solitary drinking, he answered a text from me by saying he couldn't talk because he was with her. Since I usually made myself available to him as needed, I kept it interesting. She then proceeded to text me from her phone. I decided, during that moment of blissful alcohol induced liberation, to blame her for what little I was getting from him. I told her that since I have been his whore for the past few months, I would like back pay. Lets say 50 times in the past few months of doing her dirty work... between the two of them, they owe me about $5000, but at least I was willing to negotiate. Nice. He was not too thrilled with this. Neither one of them met me at an ATM.
Current status: finito. With the exception of blackout-drunk-rip-your-clothes-off-at-the door sex, and finish the deed sex midday a few days later...thats about it. Might I add, I am expecting a mother of the year award for that one there. I left the door unlocked that night when we came in, and the kids arrived home the next morning and walked in to find clothes strewn all over the place, and mom with unwelcome company in her bed. Nice. He has text me a few times with the I miss you bullshit. Um, of course you would. But you are an assclown. There are so many better fish in the sea. Those who could keep me satisfied on other levels.
But why am I still sentimental and nostalgic about last Thanksgiving, which we spent together? I guess I kind of expected a call or text reflecting the same. I am positive the thought has crossed his mind...and will surely get it after the weekend with the wifey comes to close...and I am almost positive at this point I will apply the NO CONTACT RULE of band-aid ripping and ignore all contact...BUT I just want to see it. Call me crazy. Call me what you will. Love sucks. Actually, lustfull infatuation with what you don't even really want but cant have sucks. But fuck it. Good bye Mr. MD, we've been each others' bad habits for long enough.
I will just have to live with the lack of sex for now. Every situation is indeed only temporary right? The fact that living without orgasm makes me undeniable stupid doesn't help. I lack the ability to make the simplest of logical decisions when I suffer from lack of dick. There are some great prospects on the horizon, but I must at least attempt to be a good girl. I has only been 2 weeks or so.
