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Whew its been a while. The Holidays are throwing me all around every which direction. Anywho...
Had an interesting experience last week. So I went out with LegalAid a handful of times...not very eventful, but a cool sexy guy. So he goes on to tell me he is sick, and I tell him that he needs some of my homemade soup for a cure. To my surprise, he accepts my offer. Hey, why not? Its cute...
So I arrive at his condo with some hot soup and a bottle of wine. He hands me a glass and he enjoys the soup. We watch a movie, as I polish off the entire bottle by myself (oops). I mean, I needed some kind of entertainment other than the crappy B-list movie. I was hoping for some cuddle time, however he was pretty distant and I didn't even feel up to initiating anything. We had a nice passionate kiss...and well that was about it.
He turns to me and says..."well young lady, its just about my bed time."
Yep, thats bad. Micheal Jackson bad.
Never in my life...
Ok, so there was no sparks. No nada. What happened? I thought it was all good! I was pissed. I wanted a refund on my childcare fees for the night. Ah, live and learn.
I spoke to him the next day online. I'm bold, and tell him I'm disappointed that he is not into cuddling. His reply? "Eh, cuddling is ok, but I prefer rolling around, Naked. Sex."
Interesting. The guy must have thought I just roll like 'that drunk girl' as in get nice and sloshed and jump on da dick. I got the nice n sloshed part down...but I wont just run the next part like that. Very interesting...
Monday, December 21, 2009
Sunday, December 13, 2009
Pretty pointless.
Well, the week has been pretty stressful and busy, so this will be an aimless post just to pass some time. I am currently working on a piece with some more substance...but haven't gotten very far as of yet. Anywho...
Assclown has attempting to be social lately...with the "i just wanted to say hi" texts. I can't help but feel that is so phony and pointless. I am soooo past considering what we have is anything more than fuck buddy status...so its like dude-just hit me up when you are asking to come over.
Assclown hits me up Friday "What are you doing tonight?"
I hardly think that is any of his effin business!
Me: I don't have any plans yet.
AC: I would love to do something with you tonight.
Me: Oh yeah, like what?
AC: Idk movies maybe, it will have to be late night b/c I have the kids.
Me: Ok, thats possible. How late is late? Also, I would like to be upfront with you. I had a procedure yesterday and can not have sex for a week. I won't be mad if you dont want to chill, just keep it 100.
AC: What happened? Are you Ok?
Me: I had a biopsy, so if I don't have cancer, Im ok. So are we hanging out tonight or not?
No reply for about an hour...
AC: Oh shit, I forgot I have a family party in DC tonight, but maybe I'll leave early.
WHAT A FUCKIN DOUCHE!!! THE POOR MAN CANT EVEN KEEP IT REAL!
WOMP FUCKIN WOMP
He is seriously not capable of just keeping it real. I am realistic in the fact that all we really share is good sex, and that is the only thing I am ok with. Why does he have to justify it more to himself and be phony to me? I saw him the next day at a football event. Our sons play in the same league. We said hi, said bye and that was about it. But why does seeing him bring forth thoughts about him?? That idea makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. He later told me that seeing me out and about made him "tingle." He said his friend noticed his ancyness and asked who I was, and if he could find out. He told him, "yeah, remember my outta town trips to see a girl..." His friend replies "yeah, I would go there for that too. Nice." Thank ya very much.
A friend and I went out for dinner and some drinks afterwards. I was such a downer, because I couldn't help but obsess on the fact that I was going home to an empty house. I was upset with myself for getting a babysitter for the night simply because we had discussed possibly getting together later that evening. During a moment of weakness, I text him with a simple "yo".
He replied with "I cant do anything tonight. Sorry" Hmph.
On a side note...I went out with LegalAid early on in the week for some drinks and convo. He invited me back to his place for a drink and I hesitantly accepted. During the short ride to his house, I chanted to myself. Be a lady, do not sex him, be a lady do not sex him. It was actually really nice. I didnt feel pressured at all. We went as far as a nice kiss. And it was super nice, I mean perfect rhythm, depth ect. I was giddy like a freakin school girl. I couldn't help but imagine that if a first kiss was that good, how great could other things be?
His apartment was nicely appointed and spotless despite having young kids at home. I used the bathroom through the master suite, and had a chance to be a little nosy. Jacuzzi, check. Closet? Business attired arranged according to color. No trace of female inhabitants. Bed made, and looking super comphy. I must have had a smirk on my face when I came out cuz he asked me what was on my mind. The tipsiness we were both experiencing surely added to apparent sexual tension that was almost thick enough to be carved with a knife. We ended the evening with discussing when we could get together again. He said "you have my number, use it." Hmm...
I took a chance later in the week on Thursday and asked if he'd like to do something. He said that he had a real limited window of availability, so I told him to give me a call next week if he'd like to get into something.
LA: Will do, have a nice weekend.
Me: I sure will, you too.
So Friday comes around...and he texts me out of the blue..."Have a nice weekend." I have a problem taking this at face value. To me, it kinda says "dont call or text me this weekend," which I don't do anyway. Could it simply be wishes to enjoy my weekend? Maybe I am biased...I frequently come across losers who are unavailable. I guess...time will tell. What do you think?
Assclown has attempting to be social lately...with the "i just wanted to say hi" texts. I can't help but feel that is so phony and pointless. I am soooo past considering what we have is anything more than fuck buddy status...so its like dude-just hit me up when you are asking to come over.
Assclown hits me up Friday "What are you doing tonight?"
I hardly think that is any of his effin business!
Me: I don't have any plans yet.
AC: I would love to do something with you tonight.
Me: Oh yeah, like what?
AC: Idk movies maybe, it will have to be late night b/c I have the kids.
Me: Ok, thats possible. How late is late? Also, I would like to be upfront with you. I had a procedure yesterday and can not have sex for a week. I won't be mad if you dont want to chill, just keep it 100.
AC: What happened? Are you Ok?
Me: I had a biopsy, so if I don't have cancer, Im ok. So are we hanging out tonight or not?
No reply for about an hour...
AC: Oh shit, I forgot I have a family party in DC tonight, but maybe I'll leave early.
WHAT A FUCKIN DOUCHE!!! THE POOR MAN CANT EVEN KEEP IT REAL!
WOMP FUCKIN WOMP
He is seriously not capable of just keeping it real. I am realistic in the fact that all we really share is good sex, and that is the only thing I am ok with. Why does he have to justify it more to himself and be phony to me? I saw him the next day at a football event. Our sons play in the same league. We said hi, said bye and that was about it. But why does seeing him bring forth thoughts about him?? That idea makes me want to throw up in my mouth a little bit. He later told me that seeing me out and about made him "tingle." He said his friend noticed his ancyness and asked who I was, and if he could find out. He told him, "yeah, remember my outta town trips to see a girl..." His friend replies "yeah, I would go there for that too. Nice." Thank ya very much.
A friend and I went out for dinner and some drinks afterwards. I was such a downer, because I couldn't help but obsess on the fact that I was going home to an empty house. I was upset with myself for getting a babysitter for the night simply because we had discussed possibly getting together later that evening. During a moment of weakness, I text him with a simple "yo".
He replied with "I cant do anything tonight. Sorry" Hmph.
On a side note...I went out with LegalAid early on in the week for some drinks and convo. He invited me back to his place for a drink and I hesitantly accepted. During the short ride to his house, I chanted to myself. Be a lady, do not sex him, be a lady do not sex him. It was actually really nice. I didnt feel pressured at all. We went as far as a nice kiss. And it was super nice, I mean perfect rhythm, depth ect. I was giddy like a freakin school girl. I couldn't help but imagine that if a first kiss was that good, how great could other things be?
His apartment was nicely appointed and spotless despite having young kids at home. I used the bathroom through the master suite, and had a chance to be a little nosy. Jacuzzi, check. Closet? Business attired arranged according to color. No trace of female inhabitants. Bed made, and looking super comphy. I must have had a smirk on my face when I came out cuz he asked me what was on my mind. The tipsiness we were both experiencing surely added to apparent sexual tension that was almost thick enough to be carved with a knife. We ended the evening with discussing when we could get together again. He said "you have my number, use it." Hmm...
I took a chance later in the week on Thursday and asked if he'd like to do something. He said that he had a real limited window of availability, so I told him to give me a call next week if he'd like to get into something.
LA: Will do, have a nice weekend.
Me: I sure will, you too.
So Friday comes around...and he texts me out of the blue..."Have a nice weekend." I have a problem taking this at face value. To me, it kinda says "dont call or text me this weekend," which I don't do anyway. Could it simply be wishes to enjoy my weekend? Maybe I am biased...I frequently come across losers who are unavailable. I guess...time will tell. What do you think?
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Single in the Snow? Try This...
Winter has reared its cold, bitchy head. Don't get me wrong, I love snowfall. The way the crystallized white flakes make their way to the cold earth has some magical qualities. I love when the entire outside world seems to be covered in its glory.
However, I can't stand people who have no idea how to drive in the snow. C'mon people, just fuckin drive with a little caution and move out the way. More notably, I can't stand Winter's way of mocking the single people of the world. Its like Winter comes around every year for the sole purpose of poking the single people in the ass to remind them that about what they are lacking in their lives. I am blessed enough to have beautiful children to share the first snowfall of the year with, and I am thankful for that. But what is it about Winter that makes you want to snuggle up under someone bigger than yourself...with a warm drink in hand and twinkle in your eyes?
In a perfect world, we all would have a worthy partner to spend Winter with...flirty snowball fights, hand holding when you forget your gloves, dates to holiday parties, ice-skating, and of course body heat while drifting off to sleep. And what about that dreaded hour 12am on January 1st with no one to kiss?
It seems the masses of the un-coupled are in high gear looking for their Winter partners. What a great way to add to the stress of retail madness, maxed out credit cards with rising APRs and family pressure during the holiday season! For those of you who are looking for something to do to fill the gaping void left when that bitch Winter reminds you that you are alone, check out my top 10 ideas for activities to do in early winter. (by clicking the link below to view more...some of you need the explicit instructions.)
Friday, December 4, 2009
Save the Small Talk-Dry Hump a Stranger
OK…so I have this friend…lets call her Ms. NotApplicable. She has made a special request to describe her early morning enlightening experience in a ‘special’ way. No doubt mama, I got ya!
Ms. NotApplicable is unhappy at home. She is in love with a loser. We’ve all been there/stay there… sometimes men and women alike fall victim to all the clichés and the power of gold-plated dick and platinum pussy. Time and time again, she leaves him/hates him, fucks him and pretends he is going to go from wart-infested toad to price charming. Unfavorable probability for that one…but I failed statistics so what the fuck do I know? She then goes full circle-lather, rinse repeat.
Text I received from her this morning: “I’ve been a bad girl. I’m in pain. He blew my back out last night. I had dirty whore sex it was great. I’m inspired, maybe I CAN just fuck him and squash my feelings. Call u in a few.” The lucky bitch gets to roam the worlds greatest city for a few on her way to work, check out NYs finest AND share her thoughts with her best friend.
She hops on the Path Train to NYC… pleased that its Friday… and delighted that she has a few minutes of crowded solitude so that she can replay the previous nights sexcapade in her mind.
Enter sexy stranger.
Enticing glances are exchanged. They nonchalantly inch their way closer to each other. She notices him eyeing her ample booty with a slight, inconspicuous grin. Don’t you love undressing people with your eyes? She reciprocates with a certain twinkle in her eyes and a bat of her tired eyelids.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Law of Attraction: Thanks but no thanks.
The Universal Laws of Attraction can be boiled down to the idea that "thoughts influence chance." It is the idea that perhaps what you focus on is what you will attract into your world. Think negative thoughts, receive negative results. Focus on your debt and the things you don't have, and that is all that will manifest. Allow your mind to be filled with porn-worthy thoughts...well you get it.
(If by chance you are among the majority of population with limited common sense and don't get it...I could give you 1000 links for your own research about this concept, but google it for fucks sake!)
Why is it that some men assume that since a lady is in fact a freak, regardless if they happen to know if first hand or no, that they can just send unsolicited texts and/or picture mail? Ugh. It is generally easy to tell upon a few convos with me that I am a profound lover of sex. BUT...um ew??
So I just wanted to drop a line with a guy who I haven't seen or spoken to in quite a while. He was kind of a fantasy one nighter I had a few years ago. A big, strapping sexy construction worker who frequently gave me the google eyes. He probably wasn't even worth the casual hi, but I saw his number in my phone and decided that I would say whats up before I deleted it.
"Hey, remember me? Just wanted to say hi...hope all is well."
"Of course! How could I forget my sexy, half-jewish girl? How the heck ya been babe?"
...shoot the breeze I'm good, hes good yadda yadda yadda...
NEW PIC MAIL...open...see picture of big cock with the caption "want some?"...close phone with a giggle. Do not give reply.
30 mins later..."Hey where you go? You like? Cmon, don't be like that. I know you got that bunny in ya."
Ew. No fuckin comment.
Note to self...one nighters are just that. No need to reconnect.
Later in the day...
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
Reneged
(Caution: moderately detailed sexcapade below. Read with caution)
Ok, I reneged my deal to be done with him. But if I didn't, I wouldnt be Mz. Indecisive. Assclown managed to hit me up the day after the Thanksgiving weekend to wish me a happy Thanksgiving. (Seriously??Assclown?) BTW...the term 'assclown' comes from the blog "Baggagereclaim" so I must give credit where credit is due. Anyway, he revealed that he had been dreaming about me and is jonesing to taste me. Mhm. Although I am disgusted at his true degree of assclownism...a few texts had me almost creampie in my panties. The very thought of the naughty things we do had that pussy poppin beyond my control. Eventually...I agreed to let him come over last night. He took fuckin forever. I just wanted to get it over with already. The anticipation of doing my dumb deed was getting the best of me.
He finally texts me to tell me he was on his way, but wanted to stop somewhere for some flavor lubes. Pina Colada mmm mmm good my fav. I was diggin it. He knows that I just happen to give better than average head, but add in flavor, and it goes to mind blowing. After stopping at a few stores, and driving by a few that were closed...he finally showed up...with a box of assorted condoms. Yea. Note my sarcasm.
So here I've been waiting and ready to go...clothes off, ipod playlist selected, candle lit...and he needs to get in the shower?!?! Is this the fuckin YMCA? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a clean cock...but I was ready at 9am. I have yet to master the sublime practice of delayed gratification. I am entirely too impatient. I should have broken out Mr. Wiggles and did this myself!
So he gets in bed and dives in between my legs like godiva. YES! I've been dreaming about this. I wouldn't allow him to go inside until I had a chance to put my work in...and worship the cock with my mouth. He seductively asked me to touch myself for his enjoyment. I graciously complied and could see the appreciation of my actions on his face.
We get it in...but its different than it usually is. He didn't sex me, stroke me, make love to me or anything along those lines...he fucked me. He pounded me from every position until my walls were swollen. Don't get me wrong, I love me some dirty whore sex as much as the next one, and this shit was good...just different from his usual self...and at times it was even a lil awkward. Nonetheless, electrifying and gratifying. That burning of inner-whoreness finding a short release. He got it from the back, the nono area...and I had a ground breaking orgasm. I needed that. He must have been dreaming about this. Good, I have been too. Although I can fantasize and touch myself fondly thinking of any man , it is him and his cock that usually manages to creep into my personal time.
We layed in bed and attempted some empty pillow talk. What is it about this guy that I just can't seem to speak around him? I generally get pretty far with my witty quips, none of which are evoked by him. Every word that comes out of my mouth when I speak to him is filled with dumb-assness and even some stuttering. Apparently. the only completely clear message I can send to him is just fuck me. At that moment, I couldn't see how that previous emotional attachment thing happened and I finally realized, yes this IS and HAS BEEN just sex. Maybe it was the dirty whore sex that brought about that anti-cuddly feeling...if so, thank you sex gods. I needed that.
Round 2 was a little more typical of us...more sensual and teasing. I swear my pussy took on a life of its own. It quivered with every stroke...he must've felt it because he just stopped and layed in it motionless for a while. Fantastic. I'm selfish. I asked him to go back down on me. I love for my pussy to be worshiped, appreciated in a way only a man who acknowledges the beauty and power of having that sweet juice flow onto his tongue could. I got all I asked for.
I kept cuddle time to a minimum. After all, we are only fuck buddies, not even friends with benefits. In fact, I've vowed to cut him off time and time again. We stretched away from each other, fluffed the pillows and slipped into sweet post-coital slumber. I recall having some crazy dreams which awoke me. When I did, I realized this motherfucker had put a body pillow in between us. WTF?? I woke him and asked him wtf is with the barrier between us?? He grabbed the pillow and tossed it. Seriously though...WTF?? Maybe I farted on him. Maybe I smacked him. Maybe I snored in his face...who knows. But I have to admit, I appreciate the boundary to some extent.
And why why why does Assclown insist upon leaving his shit at my house?!? Marking territory? I took pride in tossing his toothbrush into the trashcan this morning. The only thing I want left behind is hot memories of sexcapades past to add to the spank bank.
So, I am undecided. Can Assclown/Mr.MD remain in my life as my dick in a glass case despite harsh feelings and a broken history?? I'm so excited! I think I can handle it!
Ok, I reneged my deal to be done with him. But if I didn't, I wouldnt be Mz. Indecisive. Assclown managed to hit me up the day after the Thanksgiving weekend to wish me a happy Thanksgiving. (Seriously??Assclown?) BTW...the term 'assclown' comes from the blog "Baggagereclaim" so I must give credit where credit is due. Anyway, he revealed that he had been dreaming about me and is jonesing to taste me. Mhm. Although I am disgusted at his true degree of assclownism...a few texts had me almost creampie in my panties. The very thought of the naughty things we do had that pussy poppin beyond my control. Eventually...I agreed to let him come over last night. He took fuckin forever. I just wanted to get it over with already. The anticipation of doing my dumb deed was getting the best of me.
He finally texts me to tell me he was on his way, but wanted to stop somewhere for some flavor lubes. Pina Colada mmm mmm good my fav. I was diggin it. He knows that I just happen to give better than average head, but add in flavor, and it goes to mind blowing. After stopping at a few stores, and driving by a few that were closed...he finally showed up...with a box of assorted condoms. Yea. Note my sarcasm.
So here I've been waiting and ready to go...clothes off, ipod playlist selected, candle lit...and he needs to get in the shower?!?! Is this the fuckin YMCA? Don't get me wrong, I appreciate a clean cock...but I was ready at 9am. I have yet to master the sublime practice of delayed gratification. I am entirely too impatient. I should have broken out Mr. Wiggles and did this myself!
So he gets in bed and dives in between my legs like godiva. YES! I've been dreaming about this. I wouldn't allow him to go inside until I had a chance to put my work in...and worship the cock with my mouth. He seductively asked me to touch myself for his enjoyment. I graciously complied and could see the appreciation of my actions on his face.
We get it in...but its different than it usually is. He didn't sex me, stroke me, make love to me or anything along those lines...he fucked me. He pounded me from every position until my walls were swollen. Don't get me wrong, I love me some dirty whore sex as much as the next one, and this shit was good...just different from his usual self...and at times it was even a lil awkward. Nonetheless, electrifying and gratifying. That burning of inner-whoreness finding a short release. He got it from the back, the nono area...and I had a ground breaking orgasm. I needed that. He must have been dreaming about this. Good, I have been too. Although I can fantasize and touch myself fondly thinking of any man , it is him and his cock that usually manages to creep into my personal time.
We layed in bed and attempted some empty pillow talk. What is it about this guy that I just can't seem to speak around him? I generally get pretty far with my witty quips, none of which are evoked by him. Every word that comes out of my mouth when I speak to him is filled with dumb-assness and even some stuttering. Apparently. the only completely clear message I can send to him is just fuck me. At that moment, I couldn't see how that previous emotional attachment thing happened and I finally realized, yes this IS and HAS BEEN just sex. Maybe it was the dirty whore sex that brought about that anti-cuddly feeling...if so, thank you sex gods. I needed that.
Round 2 was a little more typical of us...more sensual and teasing. I swear my pussy took on a life of its own. It quivered with every stroke...he must've felt it because he just stopped and layed in it motionless for a while. Fantastic. I'm selfish. I asked him to go back down on me. I love for my pussy to be worshiped, appreciated in a way only a man who acknowledges the beauty and power of having that sweet juice flow onto his tongue could. I got all I asked for.
I kept cuddle time to a minimum. After all, we are only fuck buddies, not even friends with benefits. In fact, I've vowed to cut him off time and time again. We stretched away from each other, fluffed the pillows and slipped into sweet post-coital slumber. I recall having some crazy dreams which awoke me. When I did, I realized this motherfucker had put a body pillow in between us. WTF?? I woke him and asked him wtf is with the barrier between us?? He grabbed the pillow and tossed it. Seriously though...WTF?? Maybe I farted on him. Maybe I smacked him. Maybe I snored in his face...who knows. But I have to admit, I appreciate the boundary to some extent.
And why why why does Assclown insist upon leaving his shit at my house?!? Marking territory? I took pride in tossing his toothbrush into the trashcan this morning. The only thing I want left behind is hot memories of sexcapades past to add to the spank bank.
So, I am undecided. Can Assclown/Mr.MD remain in my life as my dick in a glass case despite harsh feelings and a broken history?? I'm so excited! I think I can handle it!
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