This is only fitting...

Big girls like toys too! Part 4

If there is a Part 4, there are also parts 1-3.  Read em.

Back at it again.  First, my rabbit arrived safely.  I canceled plans with Assclown and went with my intuition that this is something that should be explored alone.

I scrounged around for the FOUR double A batteries my new pet requires.  I meticulously washed the chemical smelling, pink silicone and broke out the lube.

HERE WE GO.  I powered that bad boy up and OMG this thing is scary!  As you increase the intensity of the vibe, the lights on the control panel move up and down like a high tech stimulation meter.

It took a little while for me to get aroused.  I'm just saying, it is difficult to get over the idea of fucking a robot.  There are three controls : one for the 'rabbit ears', one for the vibe on the head of the dildo, and one for the thrusting motion of the dildo.  This is a bit overwhelming.

When I did finally get it there to cum-pletion, the verdict is in.  Yeah, that was fun.  But certainly not by any means a replacement for anything.

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Big girls like toys too! Part 3

More toys.  So I ignorantly share with Assclown that I had a male friend over and he was currently washing my dishes and about to take out my garbage like a man with time and the ability to give attention does.  HA!  (This is another story, I'll get there one of these days...)  Anyway, here comes the questions.  Who?  Why?  Are you sleeping with him?
No, no, no.  As long as I am the 'lover' these questions are irrelevant.  Actually, he is cool peoples who happens to enjoy my company, and never fails to bring exotic marijuana to the table.  He fits right in for now, as I am re-exploring my burn-outness.  Assclown now expresses his 'concern' for me and my increasing reefer smoking.  Pssshht.  I don't think so buddy. 

Here come the texts 3 hrs later

AC: I just called you, you didn't answer.  Are you busy?
Oh, now this motherfucker wanna act like he doesn't know me, and how much I despise STUPID questions.  Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
ME:  (hour later) Yes, as a matter of fact, I am busy.  I was just feeding my pet monkey.

Crickets.

So of course, he is concerned about me having a male friend at the house, and asks to stop by.  How bout later?  "I'm gonna stop at the toy store for goodies..."

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Ok I realize the comment function is not operational.  What can I do about it?

Nipples!

Ok blog land.  I woke up one morning last week, and decided, "Hey, pain is pleasure!  I wanna get my nipples pierced!"

I did it.  I recruited not one, but two girl friends to come with, who also decided to get theirs pierced as well.  It was quite an experience.  I guess I have untapped leadership qualities.

I did have a gyno appointment early Friday morning, so maybe that was kinda tacky.  One of my girls rolled with me to the coochie doctor.  We hit up the BP gas station for a white grape cigarillo and twisted a fatti in a Burger King drive thru.  Again, I reiterate, I am one CLASSY bitch!

The burger was gross, and I dropped my onion rings on the floor.  They landed in a straight line of O's.  Nice.  Side note, multi tasking with one dead TomTom, DROID and its ridiculous demands, while smoking some kush and driving somewhere you've never been is not the wisest of choices.

We arrived only a half hour late, after driving in a 5 mile circle.  Twice.  We met up with Ms.Beauty and headed into the shop.

Big girls like toys too! Part 2

Read part one HERE.
Of course, Mr. MD Assclown can't let it go down like that.  He could never leave me unsatisfied.  After some work on my behalf, I was able to have him rise back up to the occasion.  I threw him back, and stretched the Double Screaming O cockring over his shaft and balls.  He quivered.  I hopped on top an grinded my way to a quaking orgasm.  It didn't happen immediately, unfortunately.  As I smacked my supple ass back and forth, and tensed my vaginal walls with each thrust, my perky titties ended up in his mouth with each movement forward.  I found myself dreaming about my sexcapade with C.O. and how my mind blowing O came into fruition when he BIT my NIPS!
"Bite my nipples, Baby.  No!  Harder!  I said BITE them, harder!  Harder!"

God, I hate when people can't follow simple directions!


 
He finally nibbled on them with just the right intensity and I blasted off and squirted my honeysuckle juices all over his writhing cock, and he followed suit. Thank you very much.  I loved how the vibes from the ring sent aftershocks of barely tolerant bliss throughout my whole body.

Next stop: Pillow talk
ME: So...why wouldn't you just BITE my fuggin nipples like I begged you to?
AC: Well, I don't wanna hurt you baby, I don't wanna inflict pain.
ME:  Seriously??  MAN UP!  I WANTED that!  Besides, you FUCK me in the ASS don't you?  That is the lamest excuse ever!
AC:  Hahaha true.  Ok baby, you got it.  Ok so we gotta order our next set of toys.
ME: Yes, I want my RABBIT.  ASAP.
AC:  Ok, so your pink rabbit, and I want a good cock ring, that will hopefully prevent me from prematurely blowing my load.  Since it is taking forever for us to find a time to go to the shop together...lets just order online.  You find it, and I will just give you my credit card info.
ME:  Sounds good to me.  I will pay for rush shipping!

Ok, fantastic.  But I wonder if he realizes he is purchasing his replacement?  Also, I wonder how upset he would get if I did a little extra 'me' shopping with his numbers??

Can't wait for my new pet rabbit to arrive.  Big girls love toys too.