This is only fitting...

Big girls like toys too! Part 4

If there is a Part 4, there are also parts 1-3.  Read em.

Back at it again.  First, my rabbit arrived safely.  I canceled plans with Assclown and went with my intuition that this is something that should be explored alone.

I scrounged around for the FOUR double A batteries my new pet requires.  I meticulously washed the chemical smelling, pink silicone and broke out the lube.

HERE WE GO.  I powered that bad boy up and OMG this thing is scary!  As you increase the intensity of the vibe, the lights on the control panel move up and down like a high tech stimulation meter.

It took a little while for me to get aroused.  I'm just saying, it is difficult to get over the idea of fucking a robot.  There are three controls : one for the 'rabbit ears', one for the vibe on the head of the dildo, and one for the thrusting motion of the dildo.  This is a bit overwhelming.

When I did finally get it there to cum-pletion, the verdict is in.  Yeah, that was fun.  But certainly not by any means a replacement for anything.

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Comment function is back in bizzz.  If you read, please comment.  You CAN do so anonymously.  If you don't, maybe you will never know more about whats going on between my sheets because I will abandon my site.  Or, I just don't care.  But just do it!

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Big girls like toys too! Part 3

More toys.  So I ignorantly share with Assclown that I had a male friend over and he was currently washing my dishes and about to take out my garbage like a man with time and the ability to give attention does.  HA!  (This is another story, I'll get there one of these days...)  Anyway, here comes the questions.  Who?  Why?  Are you sleeping with him?
No, no, no.  As long as I am the 'lover' these questions are irrelevant.  Actually, he is cool peoples who happens to enjoy my company, and never fails to bring exotic marijuana to the table.  He fits right in for now, as I am re-exploring my burn-outness.  Assclown now expresses his 'concern' for me and my increasing reefer smoking.  Pssshht.  I don't think so buddy. 

Here come the texts 3 hrs later

AC: I just called you, you didn't answer.  Are you busy?
Oh, now this motherfucker wanna act like he doesn't know me, and how much I despise STUPID questions.  Stupid questions deserve stupid answers.
ME:  (hour later) Yes, as a matter of fact, I am busy.  I was just feeding my pet monkey.

Crickets.

So of course, he is concerned about me having a male friend at the house, and asks to stop by.  How bout later?  "I'm gonna stop at the toy store for goodies..."

Comments

Ok I realize the comment function is not operational.  What can I do about it?

Nipples!

Ok blog land.  I woke up one morning last week, and decided, "Hey, pain is pleasure!  I wanna get my nipples pierced!"

I did it.  I recruited not one, but two girl friends to come with, who also decided to get theirs pierced as well.  It was quite an experience.  I guess I have untapped leadership qualities.

I did have a gyno appointment early Friday morning, so maybe that was kinda tacky.  One of my girls rolled with me to the coochie doctor.  We hit up the BP gas station for a white grape cigarillo and twisted a fatti in a Burger King drive thru.  Again, I reiterate, I am one CLASSY bitch!

The burger was gross, and I dropped my onion rings on the floor.  They landed in a straight line of O's.  Nice.  Side note, multi tasking with one dead TomTom, DROID and its ridiculous demands, while smoking some kush and driving somewhere you've never been is not the wisest of choices.

We arrived only a half hour late, after driving in a 5 mile circle.  Twice.  We met up with Ms.Beauty and headed into the shop.

Big girls like toys too! Part 2

Read part one HERE.
Of course, Mr. MD Assclown can't let it go down like that.  He could never leave me unsatisfied.  After some work on my behalf, I was able to have him rise back up to the occasion.  I threw him back, and stretched the Double Screaming O cockring over his shaft and balls.  He quivered.  I hopped on top an grinded my way to a quaking orgasm.  It didn't happen immediately, unfortunately.  As I smacked my supple ass back and forth, and tensed my vaginal walls with each thrust, my perky titties ended up in his mouth with each movement forward.  I found myself dreaming about my sexcapade with C.O. and how my mind blowing O came into fruition when he BIT my NIPS!
"Bite my nipples, Baby.  No!  Harder!  I said BITE them, harder!  Harder!"

God, I hate when people can't follow simple directions!


 
He finally nibbled on them with just the right intensity and I blasted off and squirted my honeysuckle juices all over his writhing cock, and he followed suit. Thank you very much.  I loved how the vibes from the ring sent aftershocks of barely tolerant bliss throughout my whole body.

Next stop: Pillow talk
ME: So...why wouldn't you just BITE my fuggin nipples like I begged you to?
AC: Well, I don't wanna hurt you baby, I don't wanna inflict pain.
ME:  Seriously??  MAN UP!  I WANTED that!  Besides, you FUCK me in the ASS don't you?  That is the lamest excuse ever!
AC:  Hahaha true.  Ok baby, you got it.  Ok so we gotta order our next set of toys.
ME: Yes, I want my RABBIT.  ASAP.
AC:  Ok, so your pink rabbit, and I want a good cock ring, that will hopefully prevent me from prematurely blowing my load.  Since it is taking forever for us to find a time to go to the shop together...lets just order online.  You find it, and I will just give you my credit card info.
ME:  Sounds good to me.  I will pay for rush shipping!

Ok, fantastic.  But I wonder if he realizes he is purchasing his replacement?  Also, I wonder how upset he would get if I did a little extra 'me' shopping with his numbers??

Can't wait for my new pet rabbit to arrive.  Big girls love toys too.

Big girls like toys too! Part I

I've mentioned the 'loss of fizzle' in previous posts.  When it comes to anything that excites, it is also likely to disappoint.  I also mentioned my purchase of anal beads and impatient frenzy about them.   I really wanted this to be a good thing. 

Of course, Assclown is DAYS late.  Whole, long, pussy pulsating with intolerant anticipation kind of days.  However, I needed a release, so I graciously accepted the offer of a full body, hot oil rub down and a serendipity orgasm.

He texts me to come to the door.  He hasn't even gotten out of the car yet.  Inconsiderate a-hole.  He meets me on the couch and complements me on my hair.  Aww...but I think its kinda gay he noticed the asymmetrical mastery of my bangs.

Skip the friggin small talk.  Its really overplayed. But I must play nice.




We finally make our way to the bedroom, and I toss him my red satin bag of tricks, complete with my new purchases.  I swear, you could actually see the gleaming excitement radiating from his large hands as he ruffled through the bag and tossed the anal beads on the comforter.  He popped open the package and asked me to go wash it. 

Game on!  We begin to get busy.  He grabs the cherry lube and goes for my ass .  In the heat of the moment, I didn't have the heart to tell him the beads were for HIM.  Part of the excitement fizzled right there.  He pops them in and immediately pulls them out.  Although I'm very stimulated by this point, there wasn't too much to it.  It was kinda, well, blah.  I instruct him to put them back in, then go down on me and pull them out at the very moment of my climax.  He likes this idea.

He slithers down my smooth, milky thighs and flicks his tongue over my throbbing clitoris.  I moan with appreciation.
YES!  I am a lucky bitch.  Mmm I love the way he devours me.
 My back arches.  My quickening pants let him know I'm just about there.  He comes up and mounts me.
Fuck!  I was almost there!
He thruts me deep and completely.  I grind back and begin to release, and here it cummssssss...
BAM!  He pulls out and nuts right on my slit.  I reach down and attempt to rub the juices around my anxious pussy and make my way into oblivion.
Thanks a fucking lot.  For almost nothing.
He grabs a vibe bullet and attempts to bring it out my final blast of wetness.  No can do.  I beg for him to FUCK me.  I mean after all, I could do all the playing with toys shit on my own.  And get it done a lot faster.

AND...he forgot all about the anal beads dangling out of my ass.
I guess its my fault for getting over excited to play with toys.  Kind of like that toy you wanted sooooo bad because it looked so fucking awesome on a commercial, but really was waste of unbiodegradable space.  The excitement fizzled.  And it was beginning to look like the my romance with Mr. Assclown was going to twirl its way down the drain as well.  If he can't even make me explode anymore...

 

Toot Toot *a quikie*

Ok, so I'm not one to toot my own horn (yeah, aight!) but...I'm pumped.  I recieved four seperate requests to update my blog.  Yea!!  I shall never disappoint, girl scouts honor.  For the record, I was a girl scout only for about a month when I was in first grade, but my parents pulled me out when I tossed my desk over in class.

Good girls rarely make history.

The other day I got an invite from a sweetie to catch a movie.  Sweet!  I made an attempt with my appearance. It felt sooooo good after a 15 day snowcation, in which I basically lived in sweats and busted ass in the kitchen.  Good news is, although I spent two weeks smoking good weed and eating hella goodies, I STILL dropped a jeans size, and grew half a cup size.  Strange but true.  Anyway...

WTF Was that?

So after the chicken soup incident, I had no expectations of creating anything special with the law-ya.  I mean, after the first two dates, decent email/text/face to face conversations, and very obvious sparks with the first kiss...the being sent home thing was pretty much all I needed to know.

However, the madness of the holidays only stretched out the inevitable, and he had obvious intentions of getting it poppin, one way or another.  We began to text more regularly and exchanged some pics.  Wow.  Thats all I gotta say.

A little more backround... this guys is A-1 specimen.  He can respect my hustle and struggle as a single mom.  He was raised very similar to how I'm raising my boys.  He clocked basketball scholarships that got him up and out...made it through law school...got him a trophy wife...made some babies...and is now young, sexy and single...and now considering going conquering medical school.  Score.

After the pic exchange, I decided wow, I really want that.  His body was cut.  His bald head smooth.  His long shafted penis gleaming in the token iphone mirror pic that graced my cell screen in my dark, warm bed was very pleasing to the eyes.  I enjoyed...immensely.

Hello, can you hear me now??

After a pretty crazy snowcation, I had the opportunity to have an evening out with one of my homegirls.  Right on time.  However, she just purchased a Droid.  I immediately told her it is the devil in disguise and she must dispose of it immeditately.  But, she loves it!  So now ladies night turns into "train my Droid" night.  Good thing I love her!

 

We walked into Cheesecake Factory, excited to split an entree built for three queens and some yummy over-priced martinis.  This is not the greatest idea on a Friday night, the first weekend in three weeks where snow is not keeping the population indoors, on Valentine's day weekend.  Of course, there is a fourty five minute wait.  So not worth it for mediocre chain restaurant food, in my humble opinion, but I guess many would disagree.

(On a side note, me and Ms.Beauty decide to skip the wait, get some food court crap cause its cheaper anyway and we would have more money for booze, buy new bluetooths, hit the Vicky's sale and hit the liquor store before headed back to the house. I love being such a classy bitch!)

The vestibule and cheesecake counter is packed to the brim with bubbly couples and first dates.  You could feel the Valentine's rush in the air. New hopeful couples and cute couples and singles ready to discuss their recent encounters and possibilities, or wallow in the pitiful hole of "IDon'tHaveAValentinesDayDateSyndrome."  

Miz. Indecisive: Let it snow, Let it snow.

Miz. Indecisive: Let it snow, Let it snow.

Let it snow, Let it snow.

C.O. has been on my mind ever since I explored that smooth chocolate body and rock hard cock.  Patience is a virtue, but I am not exactly a pinnacle of virtue. So last time we hooked up (misadventures and Mike and Ikes.)  we discussed enjoying the next snow-in together.  And we made it happen.  I invited him into my world, temporarily...

Booboo is on point.  He comes prepared.  Quarter of some yummy exotic buddz.  Fifth of the Hennesey.  Double Coronas. And Seven sevenths of chocolate dutchie rillos for twisting.  Hey, thats a lucky number.  (And of course, a whole big cock paired with two gold wrapper-magnums, which fit the him like they were eloquently tailored to do so by Ralph Lauren himself.)  Match to what I had cooking up for the evening I was expected to be spending on me...well its all good.

I got the kids settled and its time for chillaxin time.  His purpose...he just want me to relax.  Easier said then done in my world, but I'm diggin it...and then some.  Im trying so hard not to be rude...but I am in fact an icy hearted bitter bitch at this point.

Fact of the matter is, this is a fine specimen He's just perfectly laid back, with a gorgeous smile, well adjusted attitude, and a ridiculous amount of exuded sexiness.  Grown man status too, manages his own.  I like the possibilities.

Some how he reminds me of the good old back in the days.  Cruisin around with a fly azz nigga, sexy with his half shut eyelids.  Surrounded by sweet sess smoke and clouded vision on a sunny day.  

Why the assclown might just be an ASS-CLOWN.

The term assclown refers to a simple, unavailable, emotionally challenged asshole, who keeps you holding on by taking advantage of your weaknesses, purely to stroke his own ego and and stroke your vajajay at his calling. 

I highly recommend taking a peek at baggagereclaim.com if you are dealing with this kind of situation. 

Anyway, back to the juice.  So we are getting it in.  Im enjoying my drinks for the evening.  He is enjoying caressing my milky smooth thighs.  I can't help but get absorbed into my own bliss of his appreciation for my body.  He doesn't mind the belly and the other flaws, he makes sure to get to every inch and crevice and show his lustful hunger for it all.  Mmm.

We get busy with the body oils. Flavored lubes.  Its usually all about me.  This time, I wanted to show him how much i love him and his cock.  My buddy.  He sent me a pic a few days before that.  He asked me to delete it.  I said hell no, thats about to be my new wallpaper, I love that cock!

I read some bit on erotic massage that afternoon before he came over.  The man's toes were curling.  I made his cock feel like it was ten fold worth its weight in gold.  And covered in melted chocolate cherry fondue.  And I dipped in with the finest fruit.

But then it happened.  The man cocked his legs up.  Like a bitch.

Back to assclown...

Yes, I reneged again.  With assclown. So it goes. 


After receiving happy holiday wishes from him consistently three days later throughout the HoHoHo season, I decided enough was enough.  He is, in fact, an assclown.  However, I asked him to 'borrow' some money because the season really took a bite out of my single mommy's budget.  He replied with a resounding yes, "sure no problem baby, I'll hit you up on pay day."
Payday comes and goes, not response...gee theres a surprise.

Then I remembered, my new years resolution was not to take any more shit.  And, not be a slut, really.  So I called his bluff.

ME:  Just gonna ignore my texts huh?
AC:  No, just have been busy with the kids and whats her name, you know what i mean?
ME:  Whatever, excuses.  You phony, you fake, thats the type of people I hate.
AC:  What-ever.  Lol
ME:  No, I'm serious like a myocardial infarction.  Ive had enough of you and your excuses, so either make the time or just forget about it.
ME:  You suck.  Im done with you.  It aint about the money either.  Its just you.  You are a hinderance to my progression.
AC:  REally, im sorry I'll bring it over Saturday.

Ok, a few more exchanges where I was really mean.  And he was kinda persistent.  Until he said "goodbye."  He said, it was "sweet" knowing you, I love you and take care.

It crushed me.  Why can't I do the goodbye thing gracefully?

So ultimately, I let him come over.  Like it never happened.  And of course, we had mind blowing sex a few times over that week, complete with flavored lubes and juicy moments of passion.   But I was disturbed by something...

I was getting some head in a rented bed.

So back to the beginning of winter break.  Strike one.  Watching all my friends with their man's problems.  I mean hey, we all got problems.  Its just always such a friggin hassle to have to think about the 3rd wheel, and what if YOU are the third wheel?!?

So I smoked da fuggettabout it.  That fuckit, yep.  Ladies to the club...and a third wheel...but not me!  My friend decided to bring a long her luv interest.  And he is an irritating prick.  Ive known him since 8th grade, and he just irks me!  Oh well.  I was on a mission.  I had one of those bangin me time moments.  Kids outta my hair for the evening.  Hotel room for the night.  Enjoyed one of those hot, steamy showers.  *winkwink*  My chilled bottle of white zinfindel and some bacardi dark.  Rubbed myself up and own with all my yummy smellgoods lotions.  Did the hair and painted my face on.  Put on a fly outfit and just feeling good.  It was another mission to finally get to da spot, but atleast Miz Indecisive got smashed first.  Yeah, I'm classy with it.

We drove around looking for parking for almost 30 mins.  Walked 2 blocks in the torrential rain, and my seasoned knock-off Chanel bag practically melted.  Peep the crowd.  Ugh, not feelin it.  Leave it to me to find da only dude in da spot, just on it like that. The spot was packed, and I expressed my dissatisfaction with the bar service.  He handed me his ice cold Jack and Coke and we began to chat. 

Heres the set up.  Yup Im yummy. You feelin it?  I just want some brains from a thinker, yes a thinker. Exchange contact info and its on.  Non drivin ass.  Ugh, dissatisfied.  He catches a cab to the telly, and now he gets to ride with me back to where he just came from to take someone home.  At 3 am.  Nice gesture. Atleast we stopped at the diner first as my drunken homegirl needed some grease to go home with.  Me too. 

Im driving, hes staring at the goodies. Before I hit the freeway, I pop the breaks. 
"Just to be clear, you are just gonna eat me up right?"
"Serious?  Aight Ma, you got that.  I like your assertiveness.  You get what you want in life, don't you?"  Step on the gas fast. 

When we got back to the hotel, he had the opportunity to watch me eat my mozzarella sticks.  Atleast I did in a sensual way.  Phallic foods are my fav.   But cmon, a big girl gotta eat!  I guzzled down the last of my Bacardi and coke and climbed into bed next to him. 

It was rather nice.  We had a nice chat about this and that, and he dove in.  Ate me up just like I asked him to.  Even though I made myself clear enough this is just an oral fixation, he still tried to get him some.  It wasn't happening.  He couldn't even harden up, claiming its guilt...he hadn't spoken to his girlfriend all day.

HA. Hello, its already been established that its not that kinda party.  He asked my why Im single.  I
replied I am, but my dude isn't.  So thats that.  He went back down and made me squirt.  Enjoyable.  We snuggled up and had the half awkward morning thing.  Exchange contact info ect, and he hoped I would give him a call so he can get some more before I left town.  He recently defriended me on Facebook.  Good times.

Laws of Attraction Part Deux

Where to begin?  Gotta know where your coming from before you know where your going right? 
Ok, so this is the girl who gets busy, too busy.  I think I have adult ADHD.  Really, wait, what was I saying?  Perhaps I just require the medication, addies, percs, vics, or whatever else got me here.  Just add up the statistics and there ya have it.  In the mean time, I've been fried like a bad perm, or coloring, ladies.  In a previous post I talked about laws of attraction.  Well, for the entire week that Ive finished classes for now, Ive basically been smoking grass like I'm fucking a landscaper. That is what the hell showed up on my doorstep, or what I attracted.  Right on time, wrong place.  No, really. Three outta four days high before noon?  Score. Still more productive than napping the days away when its time to hibernate.  It just so happens, that for whatever reason, ive bumped into some cool azz people who smoke the fuggeddaboutit. And its been awesome to have the quality time.  It happens.  What you attract tells you all about what you give out.   And really its been a good thing! Now let me just blogg about it.  Cheers. 

Misadventures and mike & ikes

I wrote a lil rhyme about it and here it goes.  Nah, not really.  Ok Im gonna make this one short and sweet and to the point to get me back on track here.  Time goes by and its well, #ontothenextone! 

SO...meet C.O.  On a whim, we decided on a last minute mid morning meet up.  The impending snow storm has kinda put all weekend plans on hold, so why not live for the moment and catch it before the buzz fizzles.  Carpe Diem.

I arrive.  Ring bell.  No answer.  Call phone.  No answer.  Walk to car, madd as what!  Open car door, he calls back.  "Wow, mama didn't realize you drive that fast."  Buzz me in.  Open door.  TOWEL.  That is all he is wearing.  Please don't let jaw hit floor.  This dude is fiiiiine. Pictures don't do him justice.  I mean, I hadn't expected to have the opportunity to preview the merchandise, but I think it is quite acceptable.

"Sorry I kept you waiting, I was in the shower."  Oh, its quite alright...
CO walks me into his bedroom proceeds to lotion up.  His bedroom is comfortable and warm.  Black lacquered furniture.  An array of nicely organized good smelly shit on a gleaming dresser.  King sized bed, with a black satin cover.  NICE...ha.

I begin to get the feeling I bit off more than I could chew.  I hadn't planned on coming by for some dickdown. That was not my intentions.  But...

stay tuned....new juicy posts coming soon