Save the Small Talk-Dry Hump a Stranger

OK…so I have this friend…lets call her Ms. NotApplicable. She has made a special request to describe her early morning enlightening experience in a ‘special’ way. No doubt mama, I got ya!

Ms. NotApplicable is unhappy at home. She is in love with a loser. We’ve all been there/stay there… sometimes men and women alike fall victim to all the clichés and the power of gold-plated dick and platinum pussy. Time and time again, she leaves him/hates him, fucks him and pretends he is going to go from wart-infested toad to price charming. Unfavorable probability for that one…but I failed statistics so what the fuck do I know? She then goes full circle-lather, rinse repeat.

Text I received from her this morning: “I’ve been a bad girl. I’m in pain. He blew my back out last night. I had dirty whore sex it was great. I’m inspired, maybe I CAN just fuck him and squash my feelings. Call u in a few.” The lucky bitch gets to roam the worlds greatest city for a few on her way to work, check out NYs finest AND share her thoughts with her best friend.

She hops on the Path Train to NYC… pleased that its Friday… and delighted that she has a few minutes of crowded solitude so that she can replay the previous nights sexcapade in her mind.

Enter sexy stranger.

Enticing glances are exchanged. They nonchalantly inch their way closer to each other. She notices him eyeing her ample booty with a slight, inconspicuous grin. Don’t you love undressing people with your eyes? She reciprocates with a certain twinkle in her eyes and a bat of her tired eyelids.



Bump, shake, jar…tunnel…lights out.

Somehow…he landed directly behind her and her booty. She pops it out a little more. He lunges forward, prowling behind her just to test the waters. She leans back and quakes with the rhythm of the subway.

Tunnels…lights flicker on and off.


 They indulge in public arousal. A crowded subway filled with important and non important people rushing off to the last work day of the week to mediocre jobs and meaningless deeds. She can feel his rising package clinging to her ass with magnetic power. He imagines her enjoying this as much as she is, because of course she didn’t move. She was turned on by his creepiness…but more so by his sexy bald head, chocolate skin, crisp suit, soft leather briefcase, and the throbbing cock.

Her stop approaches. Doors slide open. She turns around, gives him a naughty smile and a wink and walks
 off. She now walks away giddy and satisfied. She will be smiling all day. THAT was FUN!

Now, this is impressive. No exchange of words, phone numbers or bodily fluids...no beer google syndrome, regrets or attachements. Just a fond memory of the time she dry humped on a subway...and it made her day! And...the thought that he will mos def use this experience to please himself with later. (It is in fact NYC, so maybe he whipped it out right there on that train…)

You go girl! ‘L Chaim!
Happy Friday!